


On My Own

by estriel



Series: Quarantink 2020 [37]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Character Study, Falling In Love, Getting Together, M/M, Quarantink Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:30:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23775529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: It takes Javi a while to realize. But he is just having a relationship on auto-pilot, mechanically going through the motions, right from the start.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: Quarantink 2020 [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665598
Comments: 21
Kudos: 68





	On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> Today's prompt for quarantink is _mechanical_. This was a prompt I suggested, and in the end, I had zero ideas for it... so I'm sorry if this fic is a bit all over the place. (I secretly only suggested that prompt so that MsDaring would draw me fancy things, not because I wanted to write it... serves me right.)

It takes Javi a while to realize. But he is just having a relationship on auto-pilot, mechanically going through the motions, right from the start. A few fun dates, and slowly inching closer together before they get intimate, before he calls her a _girlfriend_. And later, too: a call every night when they are apart, a nice dinner when they are together, flowers for her birthday, being attentive and making sure she comes, too… It feels nice, sure, but it doesn’t feel _right_, somehow.

In the end, it is Ayaka who ends it, because Javi is still a bit of a coward when it comes to things like these.

“Javi,” she says in that no-nonsense way she has, a minute headshake and a frown, twisting a strand of dark hair around her finger. “This isn’t working.”

He opens his mouth to disagree because that is what he does, he always is the good one trying to save things… Then he shuts his mouth, nods, and says: “No.”

It hasn’t been working for him for a long time, actually, he realizes when he sits back at home with Effie in his lap. Not with Marina. With Miki… well, that had been a bit different, he thinks he had actually loved Miki and her daughter, or at least wasn’t with her just so he wouldn’t be alone.

He spends a few days feeling like an asshole, hating himself. Is it really that hard to be alone? He resolves to stay single, at least for a while, find out what it’s like to not be dating, not be in a relationship.

He doesn’t quite anticipate the quarantine and the way it leaves him _truly_ alone, with no one but his cat for company, not even friends to go out for beer with, not even his _family_. It’s hard, and he misses hugs, he misses having someone to just casually hang out with, he misses sex. In his weak moments, he wishes he and Ayaka had stuck it out, then they could have spent this quarantine together, maybe… then he realizes it would probably have led to a much uglier break-up than the amicable one they had.

At at some point, it becomes more bearable, just being on his own. He talks to Effie more than usual, but that’s alright. He cooks, and grows puny little tomato plants inside his apartment. He talks to his family and friends daily over video, and even though he misses having a partner, he also likes this. Sleeping on his own. Crying himself to sleep sometimes, curled up with the cat against his side, and knowing that he can get through it, even alone. Making plans for _after_ that do not involve a girlfriend. Feeling worthy and valuable and _complete _without that urge to find his “other half”.

He talks to Yuzu, even. It’s awkward at first. They struggle to find words where they had mostly operated on shared passions, touches, and goofing around. They do still goof around, of course, and Javi is delighted to learn that Yuzu’s sense of humor seems to have improved along with his English – or well, it had probably always been the English that failed Yuzu when it came to jokes. It gets easier with time, and Javi is not sure how, but talking to Yuzu becomes as important as talking to his family, making sure he is safe and sane like the rest of them.

It’s almost summer when it happens, that one hot and stuffy night when he’s still up at 3AM, talking to Yuzu, feeling vulnerable and talking about how he’s finally fucking learned to _like_ himself.

Yuzu smiles, and says: “I like you, too, Javi.” His eyes drop for a moment, and he smiles a tiny little bit, more to himself than at Javi. “A lot, actually.”

Then Yuzu wishes him good night, and waves at the camera the way he does, except maybe without the usual wide grin and with a softness around his eyes instead, and ends the call.

And Javi lies there, staring at the now dark screen of his phone, and feels more than a little terrified. Because he… he suddenly wants to date again. And he absolutely, definitely cannot afford to mess this one up. Because he really likes Yuzu a lot, too.

*

“When this is over,” he says the next day, and his heart seems to have turned into a wild beast inside his chest, “do you think we could – that we could – “ he begins, the words sticking inside his throat like toffee, and he feels all fluttery inside, like he’s sixteen and asking someone out on a date for the first time.

Except he’s 29 and Yuzu’s not a giggly schoolgirl but rather a man who knows what he wants and who comes to Javi’s rescue: “Yes,” he says. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” Javi breathes, warmth spilling through his body as if he had just taken a sip of very good coffee. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” says Yuzu. “As much as to ice,” he adds and Javi nearly chokes on the sudden blinding happiness.

*

In the end, it’s nothing like what Javi may have planned, when they finally meet again. It’s the last few hot days of August, and instead of the quiet and private dinner-date Javi had thought they’d have, they end up in the park, just basking in the sun, far enough from all the other people, bare feet in the grass.

Yuzu sips the lemonade he let Javi buy for him from a stand on their way there, and laughs when Javi tells him about how _offended_ Effie was by the fact that he was packing a suitcase to _go places_ after being her slave for months… And then he inches his hand closer and links his fingers with Javi’s, and says: “I know you miss dinner out but can we eat at your place?”

Javi assumes it’s for privacy, and he doesn’t mind, it’s not like it’s the _dinner_ that matters to him right now, or the location of this date.

As it turns out, he couldn’t be more wrong in his assumption because the moment they’re inside Javi’s AirBnB, Yuzu is in his arms, kissing him stupid, pressing him against the wall, one strong thigh somehow between Javi’s and wow, isn’t that just _splendid. _

When they pull apart, Javi blinks at him in surprise and says: “Wow, I - I did not expect that,” he says. “So soon, anyways.”

Yuzu laughs, eyes bright. “Always such a gentleman, Javi,” he teases, but then he touches Javi’s cheek quite gently. “There is no _right_ order, you know,” he says. “If this is okay?”

Javi finds himself nodding. “Very okay,” he agrees, and kisses Yuzu again, and despite the messed-up order, it feels right, so _right_ to just… fall right in, and let Yuzu make _him_ come, then come again, get up when they get hungry and order take-out at midnight.

It feels right, and different, and when Javi asks, “Do you want to be together? For real?”, the next morning, there’s nothing automatic about it, he’s not asking because he feels like he _should, _or because he _needs to _be with someone. He just… _wants _to be with Yuzu.

Yuzu smiles, and kisses Javi’s nose, and pretends to think about it. “You send flowers for my birthday?” he inquires.

“I’ll send you flowers every day, if you want,” Javi says and kisses the back of Yuzu’s hand.

Yuzu smirks. “Is fine. Better send nudes when you’re not here.”

Javi bursts out laughing. “That’s a yes?” he asks when he can breathe again.

“Yes,” Yuzu says, and rolls on top of him, “boyfriend.”

**Author's Note:**

> Are you sick of these daily fics yet? I'm having fun with them (and losing sleep a bit) but are you?


End file.
